One week ago I went into a minister’s Facebook group and typed “gun violence vigil.” After last Monday’s school shooting at Central Visual and Performing Arts High School, I was looking for advice and resources. What I found was heartbroken ministers struggling to find something new to say in the face of recurring tragedy. I had come to the group looking for wisdom because my own grief and anger was overwhelming. I found instead that my colleagues were also struggling. What made me think I was any different from any other minister? Or any of you for that matter? We are sitting with fear and frustration, anguish and impotence. I hear the heartache in the questions: what can I do? What can we do? How do we change this?
I hear the hopelessness in statements like, “Thoughts and prayers are not enough.” I too want more. I was in college when Columbine happened. How is this even still a thing that happens in our country?? When did we become accustomed to active shooter drills and kevlar backpacks? No one disagrees that mass shootings are a horrific trauma that needs to stop, and that within the category of mass shootings, school shootings are particularly tragic. And I just wrote a sentence containing the words “Within the category of mass shootings…” I too want more…
I was recently reminded of the power of prayer. The power, not to move an omnipotent being into action, but to move ourselves into action. The Danish philosopher and theologian Soren Kierkegaard said, “Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays.” So I have been praying. I have prayed for the children of CVPA. I prayed for their teachers and the staff. I prayed for the people protecting the children and caring for the children. I prayed for their parents and families. I prayed for our city. I prayed for their safety and well-being, and ours too. I prayed for their healing and the healing of our city.
By praying, I let myself be present with my sorrow and my rage. I could feel it in my body. I cried. By praying, I let myself feel. When we are constantly bombarded by tragedy, it is a struggle not to let yourself despair, to be desensitized. In this way prayer changes our relationship to the events and the people. Every parent who raced to CVPA on Monday, every parent who kicked off their shoes and ran to find their child, has been changed by the shooting. We too should be changed, changed enough that we are not OK with this ever happening again. One term for such a change is maladjustment. Martin Luther King Jr. said “there are certain things in our nation and in the world (about) which I am proud to be maladjusted and which I hope all men of good-will will be maladjusted until the good societies realize.” It is time for us to be maladjusted and stay maladjusted.
Prayer can open you up to your own maladjustment. When I sit in prayer, when I allow myself to be present with my emotions, when I reject despair and desensitization, I am maladjusted to the horror of gun violence and I remember that I can act. There are things I can do. I can support organizations working to end gun violence. I can vote for politicians working to end gun violence. I can talk to local and national officials about ending gun violence. I can talk to my friends and neighbors about ending gun violence. I can show up to events advocating the end of gun violence. Let prayer be a practice that keeps you feeling, that keeps you maladjusted, that keeps you motivated - and then follow up on it.
As we look ahead to recovery, as we hope for healing, I pray that like the students and staff at CVPA, you too are changed by the events that Monday. I hope that in praying to end gun violence, you are reminded everyday that you too have a role to play. In the words of Edward Everett Hale, “I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.” When I pray that “thoughts and prayers” become action and policy to end gun violence, what I am really praying is that I remain maladjusted and that you too remain maladjusted. We do not have to stay mad, or sad, we simply have to stay maladjusted. I do not have solutions, but I am here to partner with others working to end gun violence. To crib from L.R. Knost, do not be dismayed by the immensity of the task. All things can be changed - not with time, but with intention. If enough of us remain maladjusted, then we can do something about it. May our shared maladjustment inspire action that transforms our community and ends gun violence.
Rev. Kim Mason